From Conflict to Convergence: Coming Together to Solve Tough Problems

CHAPTER 7Seek Higher Ground

Every one of the four previous mindsets we've covered—how to think about conflict, motivations, differences, and relationships with other people—provides a foundation for collaborative problem-solving. They're each invaluable to forging more amicable bonds with people with whom you may not see eye to eye, or who are new to you. But to get things done—to problem-solve—you have to push beyond being open to and building relationships with others. You need the knowledge that your problem is shared with others. And here it's most helpful to understand that life need not be a zero-sum game.

The concept of “common ground” often comes up in negotiations and other problem-solving efforts. Common ground can often be found by focusing just on those things where you agree and putting your differences to the side for someone else to fix some other day. Sometimes common ground can be found, but parties may still feel bothered by compromises they made in achieving it, and their commitment to the agreement over time may waiver. Finding common ground is a worthy goal, and collaborative problem-solving certainly looks to achieve it where it makes sense. But we think it's too limiting as an ambition. Unresolved differences or solutions that are not deeply satisfying to one side or another can quickly pile up to cast a long, deep shadow over what can turn out to be a temporary truce rather than a lasting meeting of minds.

Instead, the wisest and most enduring solutions ...