How to be a Complete and Utter F**k Up, 3rd Edition

Introduction

Often the hardest thing to change is how you think. I’m from the county of Yorkshire, England. So is my wife’s Uncle Richard. Now in case you don’t know, folk from Yorkshire are known for their down-to-earth, no-nonsense approach to life (others would call us opinionated but they’d be wrong).

Anyway, I’m in the local pub – The Gaping Goose – with Uncle Richard and he’s telling me that his wife, Aunty Anne-Marie, is having a minor eye operation. It’s the one where they use a laser to correct your vision, and the surgeon has said she should be able to see, without the aid of spectacles, within 24 hours. Uncle Richard is finding this hard to believe.

I tell Uncle Richard, “I know why that is.” You see, coincidentally, yesterday I was ...