How to Influence Anyone, Anywhere, Every Time

CHAPTER 18RELATIONSHIPS

Every social and communication situation is about the relationship created in the context. Something as simple as catching an elevator has lots of social rules and relationship dynamics. In a crowded elevator we know that we adopt a neutral attitude and posture, all face in the same direction, stand equidistant from each other, stay quiet. These rules are understood. They ensure we will be safe and indicate we have all agreed to travel together in this small box with minimal interference.

These social rules are learnt through experience. In workplaces, the relationship dynamics are a lot more complex. To influence effectively, your need to manage the relationship dynamics in the conversation, meeting or presentation.

The PAVE elements (physiology, auditory, visual aids and energy) are all employed here (see figure 18.1, overleaf). We will look at five elements, going into loads of detail on the last element, managing questions. The five relationship skills are:

1. Using names
2. Maintaining eye contact
3. Respect
4. Using questions
5. Managing questions.

Figure 18.1 The relationship framework

Using names

Dale Carnegie in his brilliantly titled book How to Win Friends and Influence People²⁴ promoted the idea of always using people's names. People appreciate it when you remember their name and use it in conversation. As Dale Carnegie said, ‘A person's name is, ...