Impromptu

4Be a Listener

The Stoic philosopher Epictetus observed, “We have two ears and one mouth so we can listen twice as much as we speak.”¹ That's a point well made. Anyone who wants to excel in impromptu exchanges has to recognize that listening is an empowering process. It draws us closer to our audience. It allows us to hone our comments—and it lets us know how our remarks have been received. A commitment to truly hearing others is an important part of the impromptu mind‐set.

But active listening, which this chapter discusses, involves more than listening with our ears. It's a threefold approach that requires our entire being—our physical, mental, and emotional powers. Master the art of actively listening and you'll make the most of impromptu encounters.

Use Your Body—Listen Physically

The first level of listening is physical—but it's not just about receiving sensory information through your ears. Your entire body should be involved when you listen actively. Your body language says a lot about how you are relating to others—and it sends a message about whether or not you are listening to them.

I once worked with a client who came to me because he turned people off and I quickly saw in his body language why. His hands and arms were folded. His head and body were turned away. No facial muscles moved when he spoke or listened—he had no warmth. His entire body said to others, “I don't care what you think. I am in charge.” Indeed, he felt he had all the answers and others needed ...