In Your Power

CHAPTER 11Protection: From Silent Suffering to Sovereignty

“Boundaries are not a wall or moat around your heart, they are the path to self‐respect. They say, ‘I choose self‐love and self‐respect’ over the possibility of disappointing you”¹

—Brené Brown, Author and TED Talk speaker

Sometimes the cause of the continued problem really does lie on the other person's side of the street, and you can't make it better, at least for now. Or you've tried to use your power, with little effect. But you can always protect yourself. They might be dishing it out, but you don't have to take it. You don't have to wait or hope for other people to change in order to stay in or get back in your power.

Protecting yourself gives you ownership of your life. It says, “I decide what I allow into my emotional airspace. I prioritize me and filling my needs. I make choices to have the life I want. Your behavior will not determine that!”

The ability to protect yourself comes from knowing your yes and knowing your no.² How do you even know these, especially if you feel so taken over by the overwhelming force of someone else's personality or demands?

Try this experiment. For the next 20 seconds or so (no need to count it out, just give yourself enough time to get a clear signal), say in your mind or out loud the word no emphatically and repeatedly. Notice, where did you feel the signal of no in your body? Now try the same experiment for yes. For about 20 seconds or so repeat yes! in your mind or out loud. ...