Inflection Points

8DO WHAT YOU COULD, NOT WHAT YOU SHOULD

So many people drift through life doing what they think they should be doing without pausing to ask themselves, “What could I do?” This should is so embedded in the fabric of our daily existence that we take it for granted. It's like the air we breathe, ubiquitous but invisible, so we never really question it. But it's the could that strikes a chord with our authentic selves and wakes us up to the fact that the activities that occupy most of our time do not resonate with who we are and what we really want.

The should tends to be externally imposed. It's shaped by the pressure we feel to fulfill certain responsibilities and conform to the expectations of our family, our friends, our peers and colleagues, and society at large. I should go to law school because working as an attorney is secure/stable/my friends from college are attending/my parents are lawyers. I should accept that promotion at work even though it means a lot more hours and time on the road and I already feel like I'm being squeezed.

The could, in contrast, emerges from within—from our innermost drives, dreams, and desires. And when I say “from within,” I mean it literally. When I talk about should versus could with clients and they start thinking about what they would do if they could do anything, they often experience a curious physiological sensation, a kind of tingling in the gut. That's your instinct, your authentic self, starting to break out of the layers of duty ...