Influencing Up

CHAPTER 9

Recovering from Failed Talks with Your Boss

The previous chapter showed you that—even with the occasional difficult moment—it is possible to launch a new, more satisfying relationship with your boss. But what if these efforts don’t work? What if, when you tried to give your boss feedback, he or she hit you with one of these power-oriented shots:

• Look, I’m the boss and I don’t need you to tell me what to do.
• If you just did your job, we wouldn’t have any problems.
• Are you questioning my authority?
• This all sounds nice, but you really don’t understand the situation.
• If I wanted your opinion, I would have asked for it.

You might either argue back or worry that you’re on thin ice and get out of there as soon as possible—and maybe even start polishing your resume. But what about a third alternative: addressing the differing expectations directly to alter them? We’ll explain exactly how to do this here.

First, retreat from the heat of the interaction to quickly ask yourself whether you’ve possibly done something to create this resistance. After all, you have more influence over yourself than over your boss—so start where you can most easily control the outcome! Might you be doing any of the following?

Ways You Might Have Trapped Yourself

• Not fully sharing your intentions—causing your boss to suspect your motives.
• Not aligning with common goals.
• Talking about your desires in a way that implies you think your boss is inadequate, a failure, a jerk.
• Not speaking to your manager’s ...