Intention

CHAPTER 29Intention in Our Relationships

“The clearest message that we get from our 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.”

—Robert Waldinger, director of the Harvard Study of Adult Development¹

For many of us, relationships are the most important aspect of our lives and as such, an important place for us to be intentional. Science backs this up: in a meta-analysis that looked at nearly 150 studies covering more than 300,000 participants, it was found that individuals with stronger social relationships had a whopping 50% higher likelihood of long-term survival compared to those with insufficient relationships.² Strong relationships don't just make us happier, they have a significant effect on our immune systems,³ mental health,⁴ and whether we develop dementia.⁵

Although this is all well known, what's less known is that relationships can even change how we experience pain. Dr. Naomi Eisenberger is a social psychologist at University of California, Los Angeles who studies the neural basis of social connection. In a 2011 study, Eisenberger and her colleagues investigated how attachment figures (people we feel close to) affect our perception of pain.⁶ They asked female participants who were in long-term relationships to go through a physically painful experience (in this case, burning heat) while looking at photos of their loved one. The control group looked at photos of strangers or random objects. They found that those who looked at ...