Lead Like You

CHAPTER 4The many forces that hinder our authenticity

I love the quote by Mary Shelly: ‘I do not wish women to have power over men; but over themselves.’ It speaks so beautifully to the journey of us coming into a relationship with our own innate feminine power — and it is not lost on me just how difficult this is.

I viscerally remember the day I sat down with my own executive coach to receive my very first 360° feedback. As part of the assessment, I invited my two managers, a group of peers, my direct reports and a group of other stakeholders to provide me with feedback on how they experienced my leadership. I was about to come face-to-face with what people thought of me, and I was beyond anxious.

Thankfully, my coach was a very compassionate woman. She began by exploring the current context of my life and work before taking me back to my past. Through this lens, I was better able to make meaning of the feedback I received with understanding and self-compassion.

While there were many things to digest, the four most profound for me included:

• The level of self-doubt that drove me. People thought so much more of me than I thought of myself.
• The impact of my perfectionism and overdrive on myself and others. It's exhausting all round and pushes people away.
• When my overdrive and perfectionism is combined with my need to please. This was the perfect recipe for living on the edge of burnout.
• Perhaps most surprising, I wasn't hiding anything from anyone. In the feedback, everybody ...