Lead Like You

CHAPTER 5The challenge and gift of being our own best friend

One of the most profound lessons I have learnt is that how we see and experience and interact with the world and treat people and allow others to treat us all depend on our relationship with ourself. Learning to be our own best friend is the cornerstone of self-worth, of inner confidence, of inner-calm and connection. Learning to be our own best friend is how we move from surviving to thriving.

At some point in my young life, I decided that the only way to feel truly safe in the world was to make money and become successful and independent, and I did a pretty bloody good job of it for a long time. I was incredibly driven, I pushed myself hard and climbed that corporate ladder quickly. I did whatever I thought I needed to do, even if that often meant abandoning myself. And, if I am very honest with myself, as painful as it is to acknowledge out loud, I abandoned those parts of my life outside of work that needed my attention. I worked long hours, I said ‘yes’ when I needed to say ‘no’, I played the politics, I got close to people I felt were important and would look after me, I tried to do everything perfectly. Within this, I found a false sense of control and power.

The consummate swan, I had been paddling like crazy for years to keep my life on track, even though many people would not have known this. My life looked good from the outside (although I was paddling like crazy underneath), and work was a very important ...