Lead Like You

CHAPTER 7Tuning into our needs

I have seen in myself, and in many of the women I work with, how often we either don't really know what our needs are or, if we do, we neglect them. It takes conscious practice to, firstly, tune into our needs, and then make small commitments to honour these needs in our life. In this chapter we begin by exploring our relational needs, why we need to honour and prioritise them, including creating space to self-care.

I spent over ten years as a single mum and sometimes I felt deeply lonely. I had a core group of very good friends, a precious son, a dog, a home, a business. But I didn't have a romantic relationship. I didn't have another adult to share my life with day-to-day. I didn't have someone who had my back or could be there to help and support me. While I was okay being on my own and loved much about my life during that period, I also missed not being in a relationship. In fact, at times, I longed for it so deeply, it hurt. I missed the companionship, the emotional closeness, the touch, the laughter and the mutual care. I could be open to meeting people, I could go on dates, I could spend time with the people I loved and do things I loved, but I couldn't seem to meet what can be a very basic human need for a loving, intimate relationship.

Because of my history, I am not sure I believed I deserved to be loved. And it is hard to be with someone or meet a need if you don't feel you deserve it.

Back then, and sometimes even still now, my tendency ...