Lead Smart

CHAPTER 10Practice respectful negotiation

Everything in this life is a negotiation. We negotiate with ourselves, with our family, with the dog, with our team, with our peers, with other teams, with our stakeholders, and with our clients. And that is as it should be. Negotiation is not a battle, and should not be a negative thing. Respectful negotiation is how we get things done in a way that equally serves us and the other stakeholders involved. Respectful negotiation speaks of equality, of finding a win/win. I like to think of this type of negotiation as collaborative negotiation rather than adversarial negotiation.

On a recent trip to Europe, I experienced collaborative negotiation in action while having lunch with friends in Amsterdam. We spent a weekend with our friends Tiziana and Eric, who showcased their beautiful city so well, especially when they took us on the canals in their boat. On the Sunday, they organised a surprise lunch, which involved taking the boat through the city canals, out to the Amstel river and to a small village on the outskirts of the city.

We pulled up to a dock outside the restaurant, and made our way in for an Indonesian feast (which it turns out, is pretty much the Dutch national cuisine, as Indonesia was a Dutch colony). On arrival, Tiziana and Eric looked a bit disappointed, as the table they had sat at last time by the water was occupied. The one we were allocated was not just away from the waterfront, but it was in the full sun. When they ...