Leading With Emotional Courage

CHAPTER 2FIND YOUR GROUND: STAY STEADY, BALANCED, AND CALM

I was having one of those days – maybe you're familiar with them – when I felt like a passenger on a fast, jerky subway train, holding the handrail tight just to stay standing, each turn throwing me off balance.

I gave a presentation that received a standing ovation and left the stage on top of the world. Then I read an angry email from someone and became angry myself. Following that, I did a fun on-radio interview and I was energized. A little later, I received feedback that I talked too much in a meeting and I was embarrassed and disappointed in myself.

Each new experience sent me flying in a different direction. My concept of myself was simply a reflection of my latest interaction. I was out of control, a victim to the whim of circumstance.

I'm not proud to admit this, but in the past I had a system that helped me remain confident and feeling good in the midst of the turbulence: I took credit for the positive experiences while blaming the negative ones on others. That presentation I did? Yeah, I'm good! The feedback that I talked too much? Clearly that person has her own issues.

The problem with that system, of course, is that it requires a level of denial that anyone with a shred of intellectual honesty and a modicum of self-awareness would find difficult to sustain. Eventually, reality overcomes self-deception.

No, I needed something more solid on which to build my confidence, an alternative to being tossed around ...