Leading With Emotional Courage

CHAPTER 20USE FEAR AS A GUIDE: HOW TO TALK ABOUT WHAT YOU MOST DREAD

“I have a question,” a woman we'll call Tricia said to me during the break at a leadership training class I was teaching, “and I'd rather not ask it in front of everyone.” “Everyone” being her colleagues, the other heads of departments at a financial services company.

We stepped outside the classroom. “It's my number two person, Joe,” she told me. “He's a good performer but he's constantly taking credit for things, and goes overboard to try to get visibility. He thinks he's a team player but it doesn't feel that way to me or others in the group.”

Hmmm, I wondered, why is she hesitant to talk about this in front of the others? Then, almost as an afterthought, she added, “I think he's after my job.”

Oh.

There are two issues here:

1. Joe hogging credit and visibility.
2. Tricia's fear that Joe is gunning for her job.

Normally Tricia would have no problem talking to Joe about the first issue. It's the second issue that makes the first one hard to discuss. The negative fantasy goes like this: If I talk about Joe's ambitions I might put the idea in people's heads. My boss and peers might start to think, “Hey, you know what? Maybe Joe should have her job.” She's also afraid that she'll come off as insecure and weak.

Tricia's not alone. We face this double whammy all the time. You bungle a project but don't talk about it because you fear you'll get fired. You're overworked but hesitate to raise it because you worry about ...