Leading With Emotional Courage

CHAPTER 38FEELING IS PHYSICAL: DANCE WITH YOUR MONSTER

I knew that I probably shouldn't send the e-mail I had just written. I wrote it in anger and frustration, and we all know that sending an e-mail written in anger and frustration is, well, dumb.

Still, I really wanted to send it. So I forwarded it to a friend, who knew the situation, with the subject line: Should I send this?

She responded almost immediately: Don't send it tonight. If you feel like you need to send it tonight, then I think it is for the wrong reasons. Make sense?

Yep, I responded. Thanks.

Three minutes later I sent it and bcc'd her.

She was flabbergasted: You changed your mind that fast?!?!?

Nope, I responded. My mind is in total agreement with you. But my mind didn't send the e-mail, my emotions did. And they feel so much better!

Most of the time, I'm professional, focused, empathetic, thoughtful, and rational. But that can take effort and, periodically, I lose that control. I might write an inappropriately aggressive e-mail. Or raise my voice at my kids when they don't listen. Or lose my temper with a customer service rep on the phone who seems to be missing my point.

In those moments, my rational mind doesn't stand a chance. It's like trying to use intellectual arguments to talk down a stampeding bull.

Reason and feelings speak different languages. Reason is intellectual; feelings are physical. Reason favors words; feelings prefer action. Our minds can advise us all they want, but our bodies have the ...