Managing Up

3The Innie

“In human intercourse the tragedy begins, not when there is misunderstanding about words, but when silence is not understood.”

—Henry David Thoreau

 

Real‐Life Story

Roger's list of complaints against his boss, Carol, was endless. “She doesn't communicate. She sits in her office with the door closed. We have no idea what she is thinking. She never walks around to see how we are doing. Getting information or feedback from her is like pulling teeth. She is not very friendly or warm and she certainly doesn't like being our boss. I mean, would it kill her to check in with us now and again? I really think she is a terrible manager.” Roger had fallen into the trap of misinterpreting and judging Carol's introverted behaviors as bad management as opposed to understanding, adapting, and appreciating them as what they were – introverted preferences. What if, we asked Roger, her behavior is just an expression of introversion and not necessarily bad management? What if instead of reproving her introverted needs and tendencies, you tried to adapt and align to them?

During the workshop, we helped Roger see that Carol had needs as an introvert that were different from his needs as an extrovert. And, while frustrating, there were proven ways in which Roger could approach and work with Carol to improve the relationship and help her be a better manager. Roger was game to try. He soon discovered that by being proactive about what he needed – scheduling more meetings, asking more ...