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Produce Your Own Damn Movie!

Book Description

Often low-budget filmmakers get thrown into the position of being not only the director, but their own producer. Using tips from the finest washed-up has-been producers in the business, this book will give the low-budget filmmaker practical tools for getting a movie shoot started, and keeping it going until it is supposed to end. From budgeting concerns to production-damaging acts of God, all will be discussed.

Table of Contents

  1. Front Cover
  2. Produce Your Own Damn Movie
  3. Copyright
  4. Dedication
  5. Table of Incontinence
  6. Acknowledgments
  7. Introduction : Charlie Kaufman Is My Doppelgänger or Why I Want to Blow My Fucking Brains Out
  8. Chapter 1 Preamble: Penniless in Pittsburgh Asks Lloyd
  9. Chapter 1: Producing Models and Car Models or Producing America’s Next Top Tromodel
    1. Producer Vocabulary Lesson #1: Executive Producer
    2. Out with the Old. . .
    3. . . .And in with the Who?
    4. The End
    5. Five Producing Models
      1. 1. The No-Budget Model
      2. 2. The Credit Card Model
      3. 3. The Troma Model
      4. 4. The Presale/Cross-National Model
      5. 5. The Big Hollywood Movie Model
    6. Attempt #2 to Define “ Executive Producer” by Avi Lerner
  10. Chapter 2 Preamble: Nervous in Naples Asks Lloyd
  11. Chapter 2: How I Got a Rabbi to Hate Jews or How I Let Oliver Stone Beat the Crap Out of Me to Hone His Producer Skills
    1. Producer Vocabulary: Co-Executive Producer
    2. Speaking of Yale. . .
    3. But Enough About Halitosis
    4. Mark Harris Finds Art in the Passion, Not Necessarily the Deal
    5. A Possible Reversal of Fortune?
    6. Don’t Believe in the Top 100, Top 10 or Top Anything Lists
    7. Just Like JFK and Nixon
    8. How Steven Paul Got Started at the Ripe Old Age of 12
    9. Joe Dante Explains the Ideal Relationship
    10. Back to the Big Fuss
    11. Mick Garris Distinguishes the Masters of Horrors
  12. Chapter 3 Preamble: So Close in So. Cal Asks Lloyd
  13. Chapter 3: Film School or Porno? Taint No Difference or My Dinner with Louis Su
    1. Producer Vocabulary: Producer
    2. Sage Advice from Roger Corman — Also Some Oregano Advice
    3. Who Is Louis Su?
    4. Ernest Dickerson Does Not Dickerson Around
    5. The Core of More from Corman
    6. In the Trent-ches with Trent Haaga
  14. Chapter 4 Preamble: Losing It in Las Vegas Asks Lloyd
  15. Chapter 4: Producing Movies Inevitably Gets You Stoned (And Is Really, Really Hard) or A Union Dose of Some Shirley Jackson Optimism Goes a Long Way
    1. Producer Vocabulary: Co-Producer
    2. A Note from My Editrix
    3. Who Is John Carpenter?
    4. The Ultimate Self-Stoning Job, or There’s a Hole in My Begel Bagel , Man: A Short History of David Begelman
    5. A Lottery Ticket with a Big “ ? ” on the Prize
    6. How Shanley Gave Lloyd the Shaft . . . ley by Matt Lawrence, Resident Troma Bitch
    7. Getting Stood Up by Oscar
    8. You Don’t Have to Be a Shithead to Be a Producer
    9. Which Way Went Blair Witch?
    10. Climbing High Up at IHOP: Lessons from Stan Lee
    11. Terry Jones Tells Us Why His Producer Was Not the Messiah, Just A Very Naughty Boy!
    12. Quoth the Draven, Evermore
    13. Why Tamar Simon Hoffs Always Makes Up Three Different Budgets for the Same Film
    14. The MPAA Lottery
    15. Paul Hertzberg Advises Against Falling in Love with an Un-Commercial Project
    16. Avi Lerner and Buddy Giovinazzo Say Unions Cause America’s Lottery
    17. My Perfect Night In
    18. Making a Movie Sucks: “ Why Are We Doing This — We Hate Making Movies! ” by Stoning Victims Trey Parker and Matt Stone
    19. This is Fucking Depressing . . . Anybody Else Want to Stop Reading and Go Out for a Beer?
  16. Chapter 5 Preamble: Eager in Erie Asks Lloyd
  17. Chapter 5: Is There a Business Plan? Is IMDB Ass? or Secrets of Financing and Producing from the Pickled Brain of an Elaborate Non-pyramid Schemer
    1. Producer Vocabulary: Line Producer
    2. A Note from My Editrix
    3. Line Producer
    4. A Few Words via E-mail from my Co-Author Ashley
    5. Compare, Contrast, Coagulate: Lloyd’s Producing and Acting Resumes on www.lloydkaufman.com and www.imdb.com
    6. The Accidental Business Plan
    7. Roger Corman Puts His Finger on the Money Question
    8. Real Talk About Real Estate and “ Reel ” Mistakes
    9. Avi Lerner Reminds Us That Producing Is Not Just an Art: It’s a Business
    10. Simple Math is My Favorite Kind. . . Call It Tro – Math
    11. Brian Yuzna Tells You How Money Has Changed Over the Years
    12. A Little More Exploitation for the Road
    13. Jist So This Chipter Don’t Seam Two Poifect. . .
  18. Intermission : Andy Deemer’s Production Diaries
  19. Chapter 6 Preamble: Starstruck in Starbucks Asks Lloyd
  20. Chapter 6: Pre-Sell Your Flick in a Game of Five-Card Stud or Go For a Straight Flush
    1. Producer Vocabulary: Associate Producer
    2. What Is the IFTA and Why You, Mr./Ms. Producer, Ought to Give a Shit!
    3. Just How Does the IFTA Defi ne an “ Independent Film ” ?
    4. Why the Heck I Ran for IFTA Chairperson
    5. What’s so Friggin ’ Important About the United States v. Paramount Pictures, Inc. (1948)?
    6. What Are the Financial Interest and Syndication Rules?
    7. Comedy Central Proves My Point
    8. Brian Yuzna Gives You a Lesson on Evolution from the Video Boom to the Modern Age
    9. What Is Pre-Selling?: Lloyd Asks Paul Hertzberg
    10. More on That Pre-Selling Thing from a Sales Agent (Who, In My Opinion, Is Also a Producer): An Interview with Kathy Morgan About Her Game of Five-Card Stud (Actor, Director, Producer, Script, Domestic Distribution)
    11. But Why Would I Need a Sales Agent? I Know How to Hustle! b y Jean Prewitt
  21. Chapter 7 Preamble: Anxious in Anchorage Asks Lloyd
  22. Chapter 7: Fuck Me Jesus on a Pogo Stick! Where Am I Going to Produce My Own Damn Movie? or The Secrets of the Location Vocation
    1. Producer Vocabulary: Location Manager
    2. Producer Vocabulary: Unit Production Manager
    3. Location Locution: Choosing a Location and Getting It in Writing and Lots More
    4. Hanger : A Case Study and Melvina Gets Her Groove On
    5. What State Are You In?
    6. The Unstoppable, Legendary Pat Swinney Kaufman
    7. Paul Hertzberg Gives Us a Reason to Stop Making Fun of Canadians
    8. Bunny-Hopping My Way to a Movie of the Future
    9. My Catering Standards
    10. How Do You Even Pay People to Begin With? Setting Up an LLC
    11. Whatever You Do, Get Insurance!
    12. How Debbie Rochon Did Not Get a Hand or Can You Digit? by Debbie Rochon
    13. Brian Yuzna Also Defects North
    14. Trent Haaga Gets Thrown in the Trent-ches on Location
    15. Brian Yuzna Ran From the Indies to the Andes in his Undies—or at Least From Indonesia to Spain
    16. Long Before There Was Charlie Kaufman, There Was Charles Kaufman by Charlie Kaufman
  23. Chapter 8 Preamble: Pumped Up in Peoria Asks Lloyd
  24. Chapter 8: How to Do It Hollywood-Style or I am the Herpes of the Film Industry: I Won’t Go Away
    1. Producer Vocabulary: Assistant Producer
    2. Producing , Directing, and Lloyd, Oh My by James Gunn
    3. Working at Troma Isn’t Always Toxierrific!
    4. The Two Heads of Lloyd Kaufman
    5. Avi Lerner: A Rambo- Style Rebel in Hollywood
    6. Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor Crank It Up
    7. The Duplass Brothers ’ Motto: “ Make Movies, Not Meetings ”
    8. Kingpin Brad Krevoy Unmasks the Hollywood Mystery ”
    9. The Way In: High-Voltage Wisdom from Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor While Larry Cohen Says “ God Told Me to Write a Great Script ”
  25. Chapter 9 Preamble: Frustrated in Frankfurt Asks Lloyd
  26. Chapter 9:Face the Music : Post-production and Distribution or Pump Up Your Production to a Higher Level
    1. Producer Vocabulary: Internet
    2. Joe Lynch Likes Makin ’ Music (Videos) by Joe Lynch
    3. The Duplass Brothers Say Go for the Volume (and Neveldine and Taylor Interject)
    4. Thank You for the Music by Dennis Dreith
    5. Editing and Post-production: A Troma Fan Teaches You Everything You Need to Know About Free Software to Produce and Edit Your Own Damn Movie by Daniel Archambeault-May
    6. Herschell Gordon Lewis Says “ Distribution Distribution, Distribution ”
    7. Doing the Distribution Dance by Mark Damon
    8. A Late-Night E-mail from My Former Assistant and Former Co-Writer, Sara Antill
  27. Afterword Preamble: Frugal in Fargo Asks Lloyd
  28. TromAfterword : Dammit! Why Are You Reading This?!
  29. A Trio of E-mail Exchanges Among Ashley, Elinor, and Lloyd, and A Final Final Ending to This Book About Producing
  30. Index Gyno’s Bitchin’ Index