Resolving Conflicts on the Job, Second Edition

Chapter 7. Staying Cool in a Conflict

Many people attend workshops on conflict because they want to know how to stay calm when someone else is being highly emotional. They often say, “I know what I’m supposed to say, but I have trouble staying calm enough to do the right thing. By the time I thought of what I should have said, I was at home, had dinner, and was lying in bed looking at the ceiling.” (This chapter is adapted from workshops run by Bill Withers and Keami Lewis as reported in their book The Conflict and Communication Activity Book.)

Some people seem to be better than others when it comes to knowing what to say and do under pressure. These individuals come across as unflappable, in control, maybe even wise. How do they do it?

There are ...