Row the Boat

Chapter 3The Origin of Row the Boat

P.J. Fleck

 

Pain and Purpose

February 9, 2011, was the day I lost my son, Colton, right after his birth due to complications with his heart and lungs. I was coaching at Rutgers under Greg Schiano at the time and was thankful that he allowed me to go back and forth to Children's Hospital of Philadelphia (CHOP) multiple times for testing on Colton prior to him being born. At one visit I received unexpected and devastating news. I was told that Colton would not live long after his birth and there wasn't much anyone could do about it. The news knocked the wind out of me. I literally couldn't breathe. I felt like I was suffocating from the heaviness of what I had just heard.

How could this be? How could he not make it? How come a doctor couldn't fix it? Where was God? I was filled with questions, confusion, and anger. I felt numb to life after the reality of the situation hit me that my son was going to die soon after being born. Then, when he was born, everything seemed fine. “Look … he's breathing,” I said with excitement and hope. “Is there anything we can do now to save him?” There was nothing they could do. After a few minutes on Earth, Colton James Fleck had passed away.

Those were some of the slowest, most numbing, and realest few minutes of my life. Holding your son as he takes his last breath changes you for the rest of your life, ...