Say More About That

16Saying No While Still Protecting Your Reputation

We have all heard it before: “No” is a complete sentence. That sentiment doesn't seem as useful when we are wanting to use our “no” in an environment where how people receive us has a big impact on our lives. Your reputation is incredibly important to how you experience your whole life. Folks receive (or don't receive) opportunities based on their reputation alone, so our instinct to want to protect our reputation is warranted. Agreeing to do something you don't want to, are not able to take on without undue burden, or just don't have the skillset to lead is not a good way to secure our reputations, either, but in the moment, a yes can feel like the best response when the ask is coming from a leader or an authority figure who can have some degree of influence over our experience.

In Chapter 11, Performative Allyship and Advocacy, I talked about how some organizations have been asking passionate but underrepresented leaders to take on the company's diversity, equity, and inclusion initiatives – often without any additional budget or human capital to assist with the work. I have so many folks, almost all of them Black women, who have reached out to me with an ask that sounds like this:

I am the only Black woman on my senior leadership team – in fact, I am one of very few senior Black women leaders in the company. Because I recognize I have a different perspective than many of my peers, I do make a pointed effort to highlight ...