Shut up, Stop Whining, and Get a Life: A Kick-Butt Approach to a Better Life, Second Edition, Revised & Updated

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

KIDS ARE A PAIN IN THE BUTT

Kids are dirty, messy, and expensive. They keep you from doing what you would like to do so you can drive them around to do what they want to do. They are selfish, demanding, grungy little creatures that destroy your house, your car, and about everything else you hold dear. There. It's been said. You know I'm right, and you probably always felt this way even about your own kids but you just couldn't admit it to yourself, could you?

However, they are the neatest things ever to happen to anyone. I love mine. I may not like yours and I certainly don't expect you to like mine, but I know you love yours just as I do mine.

Kids are just so cool. They are always on the lookout for a good time. They eat when they are hungry, sleep when they are tired, and love you even when you are being an idiot. (Yes, parents are sometimes idiots. Weren't yours?) And they are your responsibility. You are responsible for what they learn and how they act. Kids act the way they do because they were taught to act that way.

IT ISN'T THE KIDS’ FAULT

You know those little kids you see in the mall and in restaurants that are just so bad? The ones who throw their food, run all over the place screaming, and make everyone around them miserable? The ones so ill-behaved you just want to jerk them up yourself and take control of the situation? Those kids drive me crazy! What I have to remind myself is that the little kids are not bad at all and don't need to be spanked ...