Speak with Confidence

Chapter 4Your Anchors: Values and Mission

The San Juan Islands are an archipelago in northwest Washington State, considered by many to be the crown jewel of the already magnificent Evergreen State (I'm a Washingtonian by birth and a little biased). They're a very popular boating destination, and I've spent many summers boating around them with my dad. But they aren't for the novice boater. With little warning, vicious winds from the Strait of Juan de Fuca, the waterway between the Olympic Peninsula and Vancouver Island, can turn a calm day into a dangerous one (there's a reason the nearby National Park is named Hurricane Ridge).

Imagine sailing out in the San Juans and being caught in an unexpected storm. You know your boat is nearly unsinkable—as long as you don't run aground. All you can do is drop your anchor (better yet, two anchors) and ride it out. Audiences can be as fickle as the waters around the San Juans. You may give a speech and have the crowd nod along, laugh in all the right places, and applaud thunderously at the end. Then you could give the same speech to another crowd and be met with stony faces. If your identity is based on how your audience responds, you could be sailing smoothly one moment then crashing into a reef the next.

We all like to be liked, myself included. I love speaking to a group that loves me. But it's dangerous to entrust your identity to the audience because what we call “insecurity” is simply a weak identity. It is looking to others to ...