Startup Communities: Building an Entrepreneurial Ecosystem in Your City

AN EXCERPT FROM

STARTUP LIFE: SURVIVING AND THRIVING IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH AN ENTREPRENEUR

by Brad Feld and Amy Batchelor (2013)

FRIDAY NIGHT FIGHTS

A key to effective communication is to choose a time and place to talk when both partners are rested, ready, and relaxed, and to do this on a regular basis. If one or the other of you is exhausted or still wound up from the workday or processing some other emotional event, it will be much more difficult to have genuine connection.

When we were first living together and working at the same startup company, Friday night would often be the first time we had been together all week because of Brad’s frequent out-of-town travel. Amy would want to have some connection and talk about our relationship, while Brad was just exhausted and didn’t want to talk at all. Although neither of us is quick to anger, these conversations would almost always deteriorate into bickering and frustration, which didn’t help either of us feel good. We often had social commitments of some sort—dinner, movie, friends—and Brad was often late or distracted from the week and still in the process of shifting gears. Amy was also often tired from her workweek and low on reserves of patience.

It took us an inordinately long time to figure out that we weren’t fighting about our relationship, but we were merely tired and the end of a long week is just not a good time for intense communication. It sounds so simple now, but at the time it often felt like a weekly crisis. We ...