Stewardship, 2nd Edition

Unstated Emotional WantsBreaking the Pattern

Dependency and dominance get lived out through the mechanism of unstated emotional wants. Parenting and patriarchy endure through the unstated and irrational expectations we have that those around us will provide safety, freedom, and self-esteem. The expectations we have of dominance are that we are entitled to compliance, loyalty, and gratitude. These expectations, called unstated emotional wants here, are traditionally evoked and agreed to each time we join an institution. It doesn’t matter whether the institution is our family, school, work, or church. The institution wants compliance and loyalty, and in return we want it to provide us with safety and self-esteem. It is our wish for safety that ...