The Art of Making Sh!t Up

Chapter 16Ushers, Vomit, and Why People Clean Bathrooms

In the hierarchy of jobs at Improv Asylum the position of usher is lowest on the totem pole. It is the most entry‐level position at the theater, requiring the least amount of experience and technical proficiency. People tend to start their career at Improv Asylum as an usher and eventually go into other jobs such as box office, manager, bartender, technician, and sometimes even performer. It is often a thankless job that requires a person to keep up a happy and professional demeanor in the face of oftentimes drunk blowhards who can be rude, demeaning in potentially violent.

When not dealing with these lovely people, they have to stop patrons from eating cannolis during the performance, make sure anyone who is under 21 is not sneaking booze, wake up that drunk dude in section 2, ask the bachelorette party to stop randomly screaming out the bachelorette's name during every scene, ask the couple in the back of section 4 to stop making out, immediately mop up the beer that was kicked over by the guy sitting in the front row, and stop a confused lady who is trying to go backstage because she thinks that is where the bathroom is.

Ushers are regularly accosted, demeaned, insulted, threatened, and generally treated poorly by a populace that often acts entitled and boorish. When they are not interacting with the worst of what humanity has to offer, they are mopping up piss in the bathrooms, and fishing all means of foreign objects ...