The Coaching Manual: The Definitive Guide to the Process, Principles and Skills of Personal Coaching, Second edition

Table of contents

1. Copyright
2. Books that make you better
3. Acknowledgements
   1. Further resources
4. 1. Introduction
   1. The purpose of this book
      1. A manual that helps you to learn
   2. What is personal coaching?
      1. Where does coaching come from?
      2. Coaching as an industry
      3. How does personal coaching happen?
      4. The coaching relationship
      5. Learn to coach by being coached
   3. Coaching in business
      1. Executive coaching
      2. Businesses – harnessing the concept of interdependence
   4. Personal coaching: life/lifestyle
      1. Why do people choose life coaching?
   5. A comparison of coaching and therapy
      1. When coaching isn’t the answer
   6. Chapter summary: Introduction
5. 2. Collaborative coaching
   1. What does collaborative coaching mean?
   2. Non-directive versus directive language
      1. Directive language – advantages
      2. Directive language – disadvantages
      3. Non-directive language – advantages
      4. Non-directive language – disadvantages
   3. Attributes of a good coach
   4. Chapter summary: Collaborative coaching
6. 3. Coaching principles or beliefs
   1. Operating principles for coaches
   2. Maintain a commitment to support the individual
      1. Coaching from non-judgement
         1. What does non-judgement feel like for a coach?
      2. How do we let go of judgement?
      3. Stage one – become aware
      4. Stage two – let go of your own thoughts
      5. Stage three – use intention to guide your attention
   3. Build the coaching relationship on truth, openness and trust
   4. The coachee is responsible for the results they are generating
      1. Victim postures
      2. Responsibility is not blame
   5. The coachee is capable of much better results than they are currently generating
   6. Focus on what the coachee thinks and experiences
   7. Coachees can generate perfect solutions
   8. The conversation is based on equality
   9. Chapter summary: Coaching principles or beliefs
7. 4. Fundamental skills of coaching
   1. Can anyone coach?
   2. Skill one – building rapport or relationship
      1. Rapport – the dance behind communication
      2. What creates rapport?
         1. Physical appearance/clothes
         2. Body language/physical gestures
         3. Qualities of voice
         4. Language/words used
         5. Beliefs and values
      3. When to increase rapport
      4. Increasing rapport through simple matching
         1. When is matching actually mismatching?
         2. The question of eye contact
      5. When to decrease rapport
      6. The importance of intention
      7. Developing the coaching relationship over time
         1. Integrity
         2. Openness and trust
   3. Skill two – different levels of listening
      1. The gift of listening
      2. Listening in order to influence
      3. Listening within coaching
      4. What do we mean by levels of listening?
         1. Cosmetic listening
         2. Conversational listening
         3. Active listening
         4. Deep listening
         5. Seeking to serve
         6. Developing deep listening
   4. Skill three – using intuition
      1. Intuition – within coaching
      2. Intuition – wisdom in action
         1. Communicating non-verbally
         2. A practical tool
      3. How do we develop intuition?
      4. The subtle nature of intuition
      5. The pitfall of intuition
      6. An implied need to develop our own learning
   5. Skill four – asking questions
      1. Their answer is in your question
      2. Keeping things simple
         1. Complex questions confuse people
      3. Questions can be like keys that open doors
      4. Questions with purpose
         1. Maintaining integrity of purpose
      5. Influence versus control – leading the witness
      6. Making someone wrong
      7. The importance of voice
      8. An appreciation of closed and open questions
      9. Powerful questions
      10. What if your question doesn’t create progress?
          1. Give an observation before an answer
   6. Skill five – giving supportive feedback
      1. Feedback as a way of learning
      2. What do we mean by feedback?
      3. Knowing when to give feedback
      4. How to give feedback
      5. Feedback given with a positive intention
         1. A need for integrity
      6. Feedback based on fact and behaviour
      7. The difference between objective and subjective feedback
         1. Subjective – the pros and cons
         2. Objective – the pros and cons
      8. Feedback that is constructive and beneficial
         1. An example of constructive feedback
   7. Chapter summary: Fundamental skills of coaching
8. 5. Barriers to coaching
   1. Physical and environmental barriers
      1. Is your room right?
      2. Fatigue
   2. Behavioural barriers: ‘what not to do’
      1. Too much talking
      2. Less is more
      3. Emotional states
         1. Sympathy as an emotional state
         2. When empathy seems cold
      4. Seeking to control or dominate the conversation
      5. Needing to be ‘right’
      6. Playing ‘fix-it’
      7. Assuming your experience is relevant
         1. Staying focused
      8. Looking for the ‘perfect solution’
         1. Perfection is in the eye of the beholder
      9. Trying to look good in the conversation
         1. Staying present in the conversation
         2. Confusion can be powerful
      10. Strategizing in the conversation
          1. Being authentic – speaking our truth
          2. Example of strategizing
          3. Example of being authentic
          4. Giving up strategizing
      11. Focusing on what not to do
          1. The power of substitution
   3. Chapter summary: Barriers to coaching
9. 6. Coaching conversations: the coaching path
   1. The coaching path: guiding principles
      1. Activities, not ‘tasks’
   2. Stage one – establish conversation
      1. Let’s assume familiarity
      2. Facilitation, navigation
   3. Stage two – identify topic and goal
      1. Get clarity, rather than detail
      2. Vague leads to drifting
      3. Remember the person within the process
      4. When you decide you need a more specific goal upfront
      5. The goal for the session is not the same as the goal for the situation
   4. Stage three – surface understanding and insight
      1. Revisit the facts
      2. Build an understanding
      3. Keep building information
      4. Summaries alleviate pressure and enable reflection
      5. A summary for you and me
      6. Develop a sense of possibility
      7. Regain a feeling of influence
   5. Stage four – shape agreements and conclusions
      1. Pulling the conversation together
      2. Refine ideas
      3. Agreements and actions
      4. Summarize and agree
      5. Precision in language
         1. Avoid embedding negative emotions
      6. Drilling for detailed actions
   6. Stage five – completion/close
   7. The coaching path: make the process your own
   8. Chapter summary: Coaching conversations: the coaching path
10. 7. Coaching assignment: structure and process
    1. Four stages of a coaching assignment
       1. A set of four developing activities
    2. Stage one – establish the context for coaching
       1. Make sure the physical environment supports coaching
       2. Make sure the mechanics of coaching are mutually agreed
       3. Is the coachee aware of what to expect?
          1. Taking notes
       4. Engage the coachee in coaching
          1. Does the coachee want the coaching?
          2. What does the coachee expect to happen?
          3. Does the individual really want change?
       5. Begin to focus on desired outcomes
    3. Stage two – create understanding and direction
       1. Getting to know the coachee
       2. Getting to know what the coachee wants
       3. Maintaining direction within each session
       4. Developing goals
          1. Learning guidelines
          2. State the goal in positive terms
             1. Coaching questions – be positive
          3. Get specific! What, where, when, with whom?
             1. Coaching questions – be specific
          4. Use the senses to pull it closer
          5. Coaching questions – pull it closer
          6. Is this your goal – or someone else’s?
             1. Coaching questions – check influence
          7. A question of balance
             1. Coaching questions – check balance
          8. Increase motivation
             1. Coaching questions – increase motivation
          9. Taking action – do it now!
             1. Coaching questions – taking action
       5. Using personality profiling or 360° feedback
          1. Personality profiling
          2. 360° feedback
          3. Gathering 360° feedback via personal interviews
          4. Delivering 360° feedback to the coachee
       6. Ongoing development of direction and goals
    4. Stage three – review/confirm learning
       1. Deciding when and how to review
       2. Confirming learning
       3. Linking results to coaching
          1. What if there aren’t any results?
          2. What if the results are not good?
    5. Stage four – completion
       1. The purpose of completion
       2. Begin with the end in mind
       3. Leave people feeling good about the coaching
       4. Personal development plans
          1. Other ways to encourage ongoing learning
          2. Make sure an individual feels supported
    6. A framework for coaching
       1. Separate selling from coaching
       2. The order of coaching stages/activities
    7. Chapter summary: Coaching assignment: structure and process
11. 8. Emotional maturity and coaching
    1. What is emotional maturity?
       1. What’s in a name?
       2. Emotional maturity – what does it look like?
       3. Let’s get emotional . . .
       4. Life – can you handle it?
       5. Success – it’s personal
    2. Emotional maturity – four competences
       1. Emotional competence: self-awareness
          1. Self-awareness: The link to the coach
          2. Developing self-awareness
          3. Self-awareness: the link to the coachee
       2. Emotional competence: self-management
          1. Self-management: the link to the coach
          2. Self-management: the link to the coachee
       3. Emotional competence: awareness of others
          1. Awareness of others: the link to the coach
          2. Awareness of others: the link to the coachee
       4. Emotional competence: relationship management
          1. Relationship management: the link to the coach
       5. Relationship management: the link to the coachee
    3. Chapter summary: Emotional maturity and coaching
12. 9. Becoming a coach
    1. What do we mean – ‘become a coach’?
    2. So you want to be a coach?
    3. Paid coach or unpaid coach?
    4. Professional coaching – ‘just coach’ or ‘coach and also . . .’?
    5. What kind of coach are you?
       1. Begin from where you are now
       2. Build from what you have now
    6. How do you equip yourself to be a great coach?
    7. Chapter summary: Becoming a coach
13. 10. Summary and close
    1. Key points of learning
       1. Collaborative coaching is an effective, respectful approach
       2. A good coach is defined by the principles they operate from as much as what they actually do
       3. Core skills can be identified and developed
       4. What a coach doesn’t do is often as important as what they do
       5. The coaching path can support most formal coaching conversations
       6. Thinking about structure and process helps make coaching effective
       7. A good coach is emotionally mature
       8. Becoming a coach
    2. The future of coaching
    3. Taking your learning forward
    4. Chapter summary: Summary and close
14. 1. Coaching overview document
    1. Introduction
    2. What is personal coaching?
    3. Why do people have coaching?
       1. What coaching is not
          1. Structured training, e.g. classroom learning
          2. Therapy, psychoanalysis, psychotherapy
          3. A way of someone else solving your problems for you
       2. What you can expect from your coach
       3. What your coach will expect from you
       4. How might coaching benefit you?
15. 2. Summary of a first session
    1. Session objectives
    2. Background
    3. Initial objectives for coaching
       1. Tony’s objectives for the project
       2. A need for a consistent style of leadership
       3. Structuring time
       4. Head space
    4. Conclusions
    5. Gathering feedback
    6. Actions
16. 3. Feedback interview document