The Courage Playbook

4Step Four: Playsets for Basic CourCom

Caleb Novak's not feeling it. He texted: talk now. We conferenced by video.

“I don't hate my ex. I quit alcohol and junk food. I don't criticize myself or feel sorry for myself. I'm working. I'm cool with my daughter and have a girlfriend. But it's still a big hassle.”

“What's wrong, Caleb?”

“Danielle, the girlfriend, doesn't make sense. We, we argue all the time.”

Let's remember that we spend 80% of our waking hours communicating¹ and that we get more training on bike assembly than we do on how to talk to each other. So we fail to listen, get distracted, misspeak, misunderstand, bruise sensitive feelings, cause relationship crises, job loss, social failures, and far worse. We're like a living documentary on How Not to Chat.

You may conclude that we lack a reliable way to talk to each other about real stuff. Studies show that most of our work outcomes, marriages, and relationships fail because of poor communication while effective communication drives most of our successes.²

Despite evidence about the centrality of communication, we seldom think out what effective dialogue actually looks like. In our daily football‐like scrimmages, we forget the plays, misread signals, fumble handoffs, make verbal errors, cause injuries, and get hurt while trying to discuss heavy stuff like where to eat, what to do, who does what when, whom to see, whom to avoid. Then come the win‐or‐go‐home playoffs: pets, expenses, sex, entertainment, screens, games, ...