The Pfeiffer Book of Successful Communication Skill-Building Tools

Chapter 8. Confrontational Communication

Merna L. Skinner

Abstract: Communicating with an angry person should not be a competition or verbal volley that gathers momentum until someone "wins." Effective communicators shift the exchange from the emotional to the rational. A person's power to disarm the emotions of an antagonist lies in his or her initial ability to understand the nature and causes of anger. The effective person then connects on a visceral level, as a person, not as a corporate functionary. Next, effective communicators ask permission to provide information, which gives the angry person perceived control over the situation. Finally, by explaining or offering choices, the effective communicator lays out options and further reduces emotion, replacing it with agreements.

Introduction

Communicating with an angry person is one of the most difficult business challenges a manager can face. Whether the angry person is a fellow employee, a client, or an outside third party, being on the receiving end of heightened emotions is stressful. The challenge of someone pounding a fist, shouting, or making strong vocal demands forces the recipient to gather all his or her skills in order to respond.

When face-to-face with a hostile person, the natural human response is to respond in kind—to match the level of agitation in order to "stay even." In most professional situations, however, this is not an effective strategy. If you match hostility with hostility, the cycle will only perpetuate ...