Developing an understanding of how someone you love evaluates information and their preferred communication style should be something every loving partner seeks to do. Imagine how enriched your life would be if you could gain a deeper understanding with everyone you connect with daily. The quality of your life is directly linked to the quality of your relationships. Communication either makes or breaks these relationships. Unless your goal is to become a hermit, improving your communication skills with others must be a priority for you.
Good communication with others starts with quality internal dialogue, or self-talk, which is a product of our thinking. How we think determines how we feel. We can all understand how negative thinking generates negative feelings, which naturally produce negative communication. Everything we see, hear, feel and experience is perceived through and evaluated by our belief system. Similarly, positive thinking naturally generates a positive focus and positive feelings, which translate into positive action and communication.
In simple terms, our version of reality is a creation of our own personal beliefs. As Stephen Covey says in his classic 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, ‘We do not experience things as they are but rather as we are.’
That’s why two people can share the same or a similar experience and yet perceive or remember it quite differently and draw different conclusions from it. I describe in chapter ...