I knew a woman who was always in a relationship. You know the
kind maybe you’re the same yourself the moment one relation-
ship ended, another started. I asked her once why this was and she
told me that she didn’t like being on her own, so she made sure it
never happened. When I got to know her well, she was with a man
who was perfectly decent but who just didn’t give her the love she
deserved. Why did she put up with it, I asked her. She patiently
explained that she had no choice, because the alternative was being
on her own, and she couldn’t cope with that.
In the end, though, things got really bad and he left. She braced
herself for the breakdown she knew would follow. I saw her a
month or so later and asked how she was coping. She told me,
‘Fine, at the moment. I thought I’d have fallen to pieces by now, but
it’s obviously taking longer to happen than I expected.’
I think it was six months before it finally dawned on her that she
wasn’t actually going to break down at all. Three months later, she
met a lovely guy who wanted to get serious and move in together
before too long, but she resisted. She was having too much fun
being on her own.
The point about this is that she stayed in relationships that weren’t
good, and put up with flak she didn’t deserve, out of fear of being
on her own. But once she knew that she was happy on her own,
she set her standards much higher and wouldnt put up with
second best. She didn’t have to. After all, what was the worst that
RULE 3
8
T H E R U L E S O F L O V E
You won’t be happy
with a partner until
you can be happy on
your own
could happen? Well, she could end up back on her own again but
that wasn’t a problem any more.
So the moral of this story is that you need to learn to be happy and
secure on your own. That way, you’ll never stay in a bad situation
for fear of being left alone. If it’s not working out, you can simply
leave. Far too many people stay in unhappy relationships because
they’re scared to be alone. Rules Players learn to enjoy living alone,
so that when they do choose to throw in their lot with a new part-
ner, it’s for the right reasons.
Once you’ve mastered this, you’ll only ever live with anyone else
because you love them and they make you happy. Being alone is
great, but being with them is even better. If that stops being the
case, you’re free to leave.
RULE 3
9
R U L E S F O R F I N D I N G L O V E
FAR TOO MANY PEOPLE
STAY IN UNHAPPY
RELATIONSHIPS BECAUSE
THEYRE SCARED TO BE
ALONE

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