The Rules of Love

How many times have I seen friendships fail because one friend

lent money to another and then didn’t get it back? And not only

money. Maybe it was a car that came back scratched, or a book

that didn’t get returned. Or a flat that a friend stayed in for a few

days and damaged somehow. Oscar Wilde (I think it was him)

once borrowed a book and then lost it. His friend got angry when

his book wasn’t returned and asked him, ‘Are you really prepared

to jeopardize our friendship over this?’ Oscar replied, ‘Are you?’

This applies to family as well as friends, but I’ve put this Rule

in this section because it’s more often friends that fall out over

such things. The fact is that you start off being generous and

wanting to help, so you agree to lend whatever it is. Then you

get angry when your friend doesn’t repay you, and you end up

losing the friendship.

If your friend is a decent friend worth having, they’re not doing

this on purpose. They just don’t have the funds they thought

they’d have, or an unexpected expense came up. So what can

you do? Well, right at the start, before you ever lend them the

money or the car or the flat, you have to decide in your head

that you’ve given the money to them, or that you’re expecting

the car or the flat to get damaged, or the book to be lost. If it’s

not worth it, don’t lend it to your friend in the first place. If it is

worth it, write it off mentally, and you’ll be pleasantly surprised

when you get your money back, or your car returned in perfect

condition. Nine times out of ten, you’ll get your money back,

but this way you won’t lose a friend every tenth time.

RULE 91

200

T H E R U L E S O F L O V E

Never lend money

unless you’re prepared

to write it off

RULE 91

201

F R I E N D S H I P R U L E S

If the friendship isn’t that good, that’s another matter and you’re

free to risk it over a loan and lose the friend if necessary. But a

really good friendship is worth more than you’re lending so

you’d be crazy to throw the friendship away. What’s a few quid –

or even a few hundred quid – between friends? If you’re lucky

enough to have it and they need it, why not give it to them? Call

it a loan so they can save face, but you know you’ve given it to

them as a gift because they’re worth it. And if they choose to

give it back to you as a gift in a couple of weeks’ or months’

time, well that just shows what a great friend they are.

Of course, if you ever borrow money from a friend of yours, you

will return it as soon as you can. What’s more, you’ll buy a new

copy of the book if you lose theirs, you’ll clean their flat impec-

cably before you leave it, and you’ll wash their car for them

before you return it with a full tank. If they’ve been generous

enough to lend it to you, it’s the least you can do.

A REALLY GOOD

FRIENDSHIP IS WORTH

MORE THAN YOU’RE

LENDING, SO YOU’D BE

CRAZY TO THROW THE

FRIENDSHIP AWAY