The Rules of Love

Sometimes friendships drift apart (or together) because of the

way your life goes, as I’ve just mentioned in the last Rule.

Sometimes, however, you find that a certain friendship just

doesn’t work any more and it’s time to move on.

Perhaps you’ve changed or maybe your friend has. They might

have fallen in with a bad crowd and you don’t want to be a part

of it, or maybe you’ve taken on responsibilities and matured

while they’re still acting like a teenager. Or they’ve had children

and you haven’t and their new life doesn’t really mean a lot to

you. You don’t understand their worries and you can’t empathize

with the things that matter to them. And probably if they’ve got

a new baby, you can’t fathom why they’d want to spend half

their life preoccupied with someone else’s bodily functions.

Maybe these things are temporary and it’s worth sticking it out.

Perhaps you reckon your friend will realize before long that

these people aren’t worth hanging out with. Or you’re planning

to have children soon and then you’ll really appreciate their

experience. But sometimes you can see that things aren’t going

to change and that this friendship isn’t right for you any more.

Maybe your friend has got religion and keeps preaching at you,

or is into drugs and wants you to try things you’d rather not.

Perhaps they’ve become obsessed with money and you don’t

think in the same terms. Sometimes a friend even turns on you

for reasons of their own.

When this kind of thing starts to influence your friendship, it’s

not a matter of drifting apart without noticing. Sometimes you

need to make a conscious decision to separate yourself from this

RULE 95

208

T H E R U L E S O F L O V E

Know when to let go

RULE 95

209

F R I E N D S H I P R U L E S

person. They’re no longer contributing anything positive to your

life, and nor are you to theirs, and that state of affairs is looking

pretty permanent.

The important thing is to recognize that this is happening. Don’t

keep fighting the tide if it’s not going to have any effect. You

need to let go, move on. It can be upsetting when a good friend-

ship dies, but you’ll only make things worse if you keep trying

to hang on to something that has gone. Far better to make a con-

scious decision to end it.

You may find that you need to talk to the friend to explain that

you feel the friendship isn’t benefiting either of you. Don’t have a

fight with them and tell them they’re being a rubbish friend. Just

let them know that you don’t see any future in spending time

with them. Or you might find it’s easier just to back off and let

the break-up happen naturally. After all, your friend may well be

thinking exactly the same thing as you and not put up much

resistance. Friendship is a two-way thing and generally if it does-

n’t work for one of you, it’s not really working for the other one

either, even if it’s taking one of you longer to see it. There are so

many potential wonderful friends out there, don’t waste your

time or your energy on a friendship that’s over.

DON’T WASTE YOUR TIME

OR YOUR ENERGY ON A

FRIENDSHIP THAT’S OVER