The Rules of Love

RULE 34

74

T H E R U L E S O F L O V E

Don’t put them on a

pedestal and expect

them to stay there

Some of us do like to put our partner on a pedestal. To think of

them as some kind of king or queen, and worship at their feet.

Maybe you think it’s not quite that extreme, but when you love

someone it’s easy to convince yourself that they’re perfect.

Well they’re not. They’re human. Sooner or later they’ll make mis-

takes, mess up, handle things badly, behave out of character. It’s

inevitable – you do it, I do it, everyone does it. Even the god or

goddess you’re in love with will do it.

If you recognize and accept that, fine. But we tend to expect our

deities to be infallible, and that puts huge pressure on your loved

one to live up to your expectations. They might rather enjoy being

worshipped (or they might not, not everyone does), but they worry

that you’ll be disillusioned when they fail to live up to your ideal-

ized image. And that’s not fair on them.

And how will you feel, when your beautiful partner puts on weight,

or your paragon of integrity lies to their boss, or your solid rock

suddenly crumbles? Sooner or later your partner is bound to show

their human side. Will you be disappointed? That’s not very fair on

them. They never claimed to be a god or goddess – it was you who

put them on that pedestal. All they’ve done is step off it for a

moment and wander about a bit on their own.

Look, if you want to see your partner as some kind of superhuman

example of perfection, I guess that’s OK. After all, if you’ve read Rule

27,

10

you’re a superhero yourself. Just so long as you understand

10

If you haven’t read it, why not? What are you doing on Rule 34? Stop jump-

ing about and be a bit more orderly.

that they’re also human and they have all the same flaws and weak-

nesses that other humans have. Superman is also bumbling,

unprepossessing Clark Kent. And in the end, a relationship with a

fellow human is going to be a lot more rewarding than one with an

alien being, however wonderful.

So if you want to keep a pedestal for your partner that they can

climb up onto from time to time, that’s alright. But don’t keep them

up there all the time. Allow them to come and go as they please and

enjoy the times when they behave like a deity. But also enjoy the

times they climb down and snuggle up with you and behave like

the messy, complicated, everyday human being they are too. It will

make their life much easier and, to be frank, it will make your life

more fun and your relationship more real.

RULE 34

75

R E L A T I O N S H I P R U L E S

A RELATIONSHIP WITH A

FELLOW HUMAN IS GOING

TO BE A LOT MORE

REWARDING THAN ONE

WITH AN ALIEN BEING