Toxic People: Decontaminate Difficult People At Work: Without Using Weapons Or Duct Tape

Chapter 7. The Needy Weenie

Take I: How They Sound

Margaret was a high-maintenance team member, but her demands were presented in the form of questions and requests for help. She said yes too much and would wind up being overwhelmed. She committed to more than she could possibly handle, so deadlines were often missed. Her strong need to be involved and to be accepted by everyone was the root of her problem. In meetings, her questions were endless and she was always putting herself down, just waiting for others to build her up. She would restate every point, no matter how simple, in detail. The reason was to support her need for reassurance from other people.

In addition, she had a lot of energy—for all the wrong things. She seemed to focus on everything except what was truly important. In planning the celebration after the completion of a project, for example, Margaret's agonizing caused the team to spend 20 minutes deciding whether to have a potluck or bring in pizza. Long after heads began to nod, she continued wasting time and spinning her wheels on a decision no one cared about. Something had to be done. Everyone was ready to hang her at high noon!

Names Will Never Hurt Me

People like Margaret are also called agonizers, worrywarts, wimps, vacillators, anxious Annies, and martyrs. They will drive you nuts and make you crazy with their neediness. Their coming back to you repeatedly for validation and help makes you feel like you have a bad rash that just won't go away!

What to Look ...