Train the Brave, 2nd Edition

CHAPTER 14Dare to ask big

Think of a situation that's causing you to feel some emotional angst or frustration, overwhelm, resentment or even desperation! Go on, surely there's at least one!

If you aren't getting something you want, or you are tolerating something you don't want, it's generally a sign that there's an unmade request. Maybe it's a boss who has unreasonable expectations. Perhaps it's a colleague who doesn't seem to pull their weight. Perhaps it's your partner who's doing something that upsets you. Or maybe there's someone you haven't even met who has the power, or purse strings, to give you something you really want, but they have no idea that you want it!

Needless to say, complaining about your problems doesn't solve them, and whining about unmet needs doesn't fulfil them. If there's something you really want, you have to be willing to ask for it.

PEOPLE AREN'T MIND READERS, SO DON'TASSUME PEOPLE KNOW WHAT YOU WANT.

You get what you tolerate and you teach people how to treat you. If you passively allow others to take you for granted, to overstep boundaries or to treat you unfairly, then you are complicit in it. Taking responsibility for letting others know what you want (and don't want) is fundamental to your success. Indeed, it's a rule of life that it will only pay as much as you're willing to ask for.

Too often, though, we assume the people around us — our boss, colleagues and even our spouse and friends — know what we want and need. But people aren't mind ...