Wealth of Wisdom

CHAPTER 47How Powerful Are Your Questions?

Ian McDermott

Questions are one of the fundamental thinking tools we have at our disposal as human beings. Yet most people have little understanding of how they work or what they can do when properly honed.

Every time you ask a question, you frame people's thinking. Suppose you tell me there's something you'd like to talk through, and I respond with, “So what's the problem?” I'm presupposing that what you're dealing with is just that—a problem. This may well color the conversation that follows. But suppose you'd said exactly the same thing and I'd responded with “Oh, so what do you want?” Now I'm asking you about an outcome you desire and that's going to be a different conversation.

It's not that one of these questions is better. It just depends on what you're trying to achieve. Frame things as problems, and you'll probably start going into aspects of the past—for example, when, how, and with whom did this problem begin? Frame things as outcomes, and you'll probably learn more about what kind of future someone really wants going forward.

Every time you ask a question, you trigger an internal search in the brain and you send the listener on a journey. Both families and their advisors need to know this. There's a world of difference between asking “How do we stop the beneficiary from wasting trust assets?” (Problem Frame) versus “How do we help the beneficiary use trust assets more effectively to get where s/he wants to go?” (Outcome ...