What Works

6Growth without Striving

One of the most important discoveries I made in the process of being ill is that solitary striving, my American habit of self-focus, was in some fundamental way a degradation of the most powerful aspects of our lives, which now seem to me to be our interconnectedness and need of others.

—Meghan O'Rourke, The Invisible Kingdom: Reimagining Chronic Illness⁶³

A FEW YEARS ago, I sat with a small group of business owners in a cute condo in Whitefish, Montana. I was there to facilitate a retreat where each business owner had time to share a current project, challenge, or opportunity, and workshop it with the group. These business owners were all quite successful in their own ways as well as being thoughtful and compassionate. They valued hearing others' experiences and answering their colleagues' fresh questions. Each took their own turn over the time we had together. As the retreat neared its end, only a couple of business owners were left to share with the group. Finally, one of them, Rita Barry, spoke up. Barry's advertising agency had seen explosive growth over the previous two years, so I was curious what she was going to bring to the table.

She said, “The question I've been trying to answer for myself is: What does growth without striving look like?” The whole group, myself included, sat in stunned silence for a minute. What does growth without striving look like? That question seared itself into my brain. Barry and I share a similar personality ...