You Can Change Other People

CHAPTER 17MAKE IT MEANINGFUL: GET TO WHAT MATTERS

The final quality that renders an outcome energizing is that it is meaningful on its own terms. You know someone has landed on an energizing outcome when they aren't going for that outcome as a means to a greater one; this outcome is the greater one. It's valuable in and of itself.

Your partner's focus should be on a result that's exciting and motivating or on a new situation that is so worth achieving that they may even end up thankful for the problem that pointed to it. That's a high bar, especially if the problem is a painful one—and it's well worth going for.

Re-read this part of the dialogue to see how Dara gets Ben to identify an outcome that feels meaningful to him:

DARA:	If Ramona were off your team, what would that do for you?
BEN:	Then we'd be able to express our ideas freely. Everyone would feel more ownership and take more responsibility.
DARA:	And what would that allow you to accomplish?
BEN:	That way, the best ideas would rise to the surface, and we'd all feel ownership of them, so we'd work hard to bring them to life.
DARA:	So what I'm hearing is, what you really want is a team that generates great ideas and is committed to bringing them to life.
BEN:	Yes! That's exactly what I want!
DARA:	That sounds like a higher bar than just a functional team.
BEN:	Yes, what I really want is a high-performing team.
DARA:	Great. What does a high-performing team look like to you? You mentioned a team that generates ...