How to Communicate Successfully: The Halvorson Collection (2 Books)

9. Focus on What You Will Do, Not What You Won’t Do

Do you want to successfully get promoted, quit smoking, or put a lid on your bad temper? Then plan how you will replace counterproductive behaviors with more constructive, profitable ones. Too often, people concentrate all their efforts on what they want to stop doing and fail to consider how they will fill the void. Research on thought suppression (e.g., “Don’t think about white bears!”) has shown that trying to avoid a thought makes it even more active in your mind. The same holds true when it comes to behavior; by trying not to do something, the impulse gets strengthened rather than diminished.

If you want change your ways, ask yourself, what will I do instead? For example, if you are trying ...