The Ask

Chapter 3Why People Do Not Ask

Now that we know the reasons why everyone should ask, and there are many, let's take a look at why people don't ask. I always think it is best that we work through the things that may get in the way of making your ask. Then you will be in perfect alignment to make an exceptional ask, as we shall see in Chapter 4.

When I ask people who need to ask but are resistant to do so what gets in the way when they want to ask, they usually say “fear.” At first I thought they meant fear of hearing the word “no.” So I asked them to clarify what exactly they are afraid of. Many people do say it's hearing the word “no,” but others say it's fear of rejection or alienating the person they are asking. So I take these emotions apart one by one, because fear, rejection, and alienation are emotions.

Let's begin with hearing the word “no.” My question is: If you fear hearing “no,” is that the worst word you have heard in your life? I doubt it. In reality you will hear “no” when you ask. Remember, when you ask, you are giving someone an opportunity. They may say yes to the opportunity or turn you down. The goal when you hear the word “no” is to find out why. Why did someone not want to do what you asked? We will go in great depth on this very issue in Chapter 6, “How to Keep Your ASK on Track.” If you can get to the underlying reason, you will have a very good chance of going back to the person you asked, recognizing what was missing in your ask, and, yes, making the ...