The Elephant in the Room: How Relationships Make or Break the Success of Leaders and Organizations

FIVE

Mapping Relationships

Some key part of human activity—whether it is something as simple as pounding out a Morse code message or as complex as being married to someone—has an identifiable and stable pattern.

—MALCOLM GLADWELL¹

When a relationship isn't going well, most of us become so riveted on the other person—on divining his motives or avoiding his impact—that we don't look at what we're each doing to create a relationship that neither of us wants. In the end, we feel as if we have little choice: end the relationship or settle for one that doesn't work.

To improve a relationship, people need to look not only at each other but at the repetitious ...