Useful Belief

Chapter Three A useful future

I checked into my hotel, which towered over a beautiful beach within walking distance of the sights and sounds of Barcelona. It was absolutely sensational — and, even better, my room overlooked a stretch of beach. I was awestruck. It was summertime, and the beach was packed with people. I quickly unpacked and left the hotel.

I came out on the beach, with towel, sunscreen and book in hand, and began to walk to settle into my little utopia. The day was hot, the sounds and sights fantastic. Families together, groups of young people hanging out, everywhere people kicking soccer balls or playing other games or diving into the waves.

I set down my towel and looked around, but immediately I knew I did not want to sit — I wanted to move. My mind was racing and I felt emotional. I strolled along the edge of the water for an hour before turning back.

I wanted to walk all of my anxiety out of my body. I felt like the more I walked, the closer I would be to getting this feeling out. Even though I was watching people around me, I felt invisible. Everyone on the beach seemed to be absorbed with the people they were with or the things they were doing. I suddenly felt very alone, which was odd, because I don't normally feel that way when I'm travelling. The sense of isolation was overwhelming. I felt like something was missing somehow. And it had to do with the future and the path I was heading down in life.

The conference was due to start the following day. I ...