Coaching Up! Inspiring Peak Performance When It Matters Most

2Building an Authentic Connection

“Whereas the best mentors tend to be smart about the more technical elements and nuances of whatever it is they do for a living, they also must show a different kind of intelligence…They must have emotional radar that senses what their protégé is feeling, and what they too are feeling during the guidance process.”

—Stephen E. Kohn and Vincent D. O'Connell, 9 Powerful Practices of Really Great Mentors: How to Inspire and Motivate Anyone

So, what's an authentic connection between two human beings? In my view, it's one in which both people feel truly seen, known, and respected. Such connections can grow organically through long acquaintance, for instance between family members, longtime friends, or colleagues who have worked together for years. Or they can be established quite quickly by people who have the skill, desire, and grace, to put energy into doing it. Barack and Michelle Obama, for instance, both excel at connecting almost instantly with people they talk with. Can you think of other leaders who have that apparently innate gift of charisma? Other politicians who are master communicators, such as John Kennedy, Ronald Reagan, and Bill Clinton, come to mind, along with revered athletes such as Stephen Curry, Tom Brady, Magic Johnson, and David Ortiz, and media personalities such as Oprah Winfrey.

You recognize the people who have this ability. Whether you are a Republican or a Democrat, a fan of the Lakers or the Celtics, you can tell that ...