Cracking the Leadership Code

Chapter 5EMPATHYConnection in Action

Leadership is about empathy.

—Oprah Winfrey

Demonstrating empathy—showing people that you understand them and that you care how they feel—is a key to real connection. And it can be so much more. It can inspire and transform.

Consider the story of Glenn. Glenn is a senior leader for a global hospitality company. I was training Glenn and about 20 of his peers. The group was discussing the subject of beliefs, specifically, how our beliefs transform facts into stories that reflect our points of view. One thing about beliefs is that although they may feel rock-solid certain, they can change.

I asked the group this question: “Can you think of something you once believed that you no longer believe?”

I've asked this question many times to multiple groups. The most common answers I usually hear are Santa Claus and the tooth fairy. I'd expected to hear one of these common answers. But Glenn surprised me.

“Yeah, I never really liked people a whole lot.”

I thought to myself, “Where's this going?”

Glenn continued. “Yeah, I guess you could've called me a curmudgeon. And as a manager, I was a real SOB. All I cared about was my own family, and at work I only cared that people made their numbers.”

Now I was concerned the whole session was going off the rails.

But then Glenn shifted.

But all that changed two years ago. You see, my wife was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. People out of the woodwork, people I didn't even know, neighbors, people from ...