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Emotional Intelligence For Dummies®

Name: Emotional Intelligence For Dummies®
Author: Steven J. Stein
ISBN: 9780470157329

by Steven J. Stein

August 2009

Beginner

384 pages

7h 51m

English

For Dummies

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Copyright
About the Author
Author's Acknowledgments
Publisher's Acknowledgments
Foreword
Introduction
About Emotional Intelligence For DummiesFoolish AssumptionsConventions Used in This BookWhat You Don't Have to ReadHow This Book Is OrganizedPart I: There's a New Kind of Intelligence in TownPart II: The Essentials of Emotional IntelligencePart III: Taking Emotional Intelligence to WorkPart IV: Using Emotional Intelligence at HomePart V: The Part of TensIcons Used in This BookWhere to Go from Here
I. There's a New Kind of Intelligence in Town
1. Feeling Smart
1.1. Defining Emotional Intelligence1.2. Getting a Handle on Your Emotions1.3. Understanding the Emotions of Others1.3.1. Influencing a person's emotions1.3.2. Following the Golden Rule1.4. Applying Emotional Intelligence at Work1.4.1. The benefits of emotional intelligence at work1.4.2. The advantages of an emotionally intelligent workplace1.5. Pursuing Successful Family Interactions
2. Assessing Your Emotional Intelligence
2.1. Measuring Emotional Intelligence2.2. Feeling, Thinking, and Behaving Like an Emotionally Intelligent Person2.2.1. Feeling like an emotionally intelligent person2.2.2. Thinking like an emotionally intelligent person2.2.3. Behaving like an emotionally intelligent person2.3. Recognizing an Emotionally Unintelligent Person
3. Finding Happiness
3.1. Defining Happiness3.1.1. Understanding the benefits of being happy3.1.2. Changing your emotions3.1.3. Addressing problems with optimism3.1.4. Knowing your strengths and weaknesses3.2. Finding Authentic Happiness

II. The Essentials of Emotional Intelligence
4. Investigating the Science Behind Emotional Intelligence
4.1. Understanding the Difference between Emotional Intelligence and IQ4.2. Knowing How Your Emotions Affect You4.3. Making the Case for Emotional Intelligence4.3.1. Understanding how EQ tests work4.3.1.1. The EQ-i4.3.1.2. The EQ-3604.3.1.3. The MSCEIT4.3.2. Understanding how EQ tests work compared to personality tests4.4. Differentiating Personality from Emotional Skills4.4.1. Tracking personality across the life span4.4.2. Changing your emotional intelligence
5. Becoming More Aware of Your Emotions
5.1. Defining Feelings5.2. Identifying Your Emotions5.3. Digging Deeper into Your Emotions5.3.1. Interpreting behaviors5.3.2. Examining self-destructive behaviors5.3.3. Understanding body language5.3.3.1. Identifying anger5.3.3.2. Recognizing fear or anxiety5.3.3.3. Sensing sadness5.3.3.4. Seeing embarrassment5.3.3.5. Spotting surprise5.3.3.6. Knowing happiness5.3.4. Reading your emotions through other people5.4. Changing Negative Emotions5.4.1. Recognizing negative emotions5.4.2. Using the ABCDE theory of emotions
6. Managing Your Emotions
6.1. Okay, I Feel Sad, Mad, or Bad — Now What?6.1.1. Using cognitive restructuring6.1.2. Methods of distraction6.1.3. Relaxation, meditation, and similar activities6.1.3.1. Progressive relaxation6.1.3.2. Diaphragmatic or belly breathing6.1.3.3. Acupressure6.1.3.4. Purposeful distraction6.1.4. How mindfulness works6.2. Working Your Way Out of a Bad Situation6.2.1. Short-term approaches6.2.2. Long-term solutions6.3. Changing Your Emotions for the Better6.3.1. Recognizing the importance of practice6.3.2. Developing a positive psychology
7. Understanding Empathy
7.1. Knowing the Difference between Empathy and Sympathy7.1.1. Beginning with you, not I7.1.2. Knowing why the difference is important7.2. Reading Other People's Emotions7.2.1. Walking in the other person's moccasins7.2.2. Starting with what they say7.2.3. Understanding what their faces tell you7.2.4. Decoding body language7.3. Showing People You Understand Their Feelings7.3.1. Checking in7.3.2. Getting confirmation7.4. Exploring Situations in Which Empathy Can Really Help You7.4.1. Strengthening intimate relationships7.4.2. Understanding friends and relatives7.4.3. Dealing with tense situations that involve strangers
8. Managing Other People's Emotions
8.1. Changing How You React to Others8.1.1. Being aware of your gut reaction8.1.2. Working through alternative responses8.2. Managing Other People's Emotions8.2.1. Identifying where other people are coming from8.2.2. Establishing a realistic alternative behavior8.2.3. Getting a person to want to change8.3. Encountering Obnoxious People8.3.1. Determining your best outcome with a difficult person8.3.2. Developing techniques for dealing with difficult people8.4. Dealing with Difficult Friends and Relatives8.4.1. Start with the endgame8.4.2. Getting to the relationship you want
III. Taking Emotional Intelligence to Work
9. Dealing with Difficult Workplace Situations
9.1. Having Feelings at Work?9.1.1. Getting in touch with your feelings at work9.1.2. Getting control of your emotions9.2. Exploring Situations That Bring Out Your Worst at Work9.2.1. Tackling hassles9.2.2. Coping with fears9.3. Exploring Situations That Bring Out Your Best at Work9.4. Managing the Emotions of Others at Work
10. Succeeding Through Emotional Intelligence
10.1. Finding the Right Job10.1.1. Testing interests, personality, and intelligence10.1.1.1. Vocational interest tests10.1.1.2. Personality tests10.1.1.3. Cognitive intelligence, or IQ (intelligence quotient)10.1.1.4. Aptitude or skills tests10.1.2. What EQ can add to the job equation10.2. Assessing Your Work Life10.2.1. Understanding that you are what you feel10.2.2. Knowing whether your job feels right10.2.3. Getting a feel for what you do best10.3. Improving Your Performance When Working with People10.3.1. Knowing whether you're a people person10.3.2. Dealing effectively with people at work10.4. Improving Your Performance When Working Alone10.4.1. Knowing whether you prefer to work alone10.4.2. Getting better at working alone10.4.2.1. Communicating well with others10.4.2.2. Motivating yourself10.5. Influencing People at Work10.5.1. Using empathy to make your sale10.5.2. Understanding assertiveness10.6. Becoming a Better Team Player10.6.1. Understanding work teams10.6.2. Fitting in on a team10.6.3. Helping your teammates
11. Becoming an Emotionally Intelligent Leader
11.1. Getting Others to Do Things at Work11.1.1. Deciding whether you want to be a manager11.1.2. Getting someone to listen to you11.1.3. Eliciting cooperative behavior from others11.2. Leading Other People11.2.1. Defining an effective workplace leader11.2.1.1. Being centered and grounded11.2.1.2. Having the ability to take action11.2.1.3. Using a participative management style11.2.1.4. Being tough-minded11.2.2. Knowing your leadership skills11.2.3. Knowing your leadership weaknesses11.2.4. Knowing whether you're fit to be a workplace leader11.2.5. Rising to the occasion of good leadership
12. Creating an Emotionally Intelligent Workplace
12.1. Defining the Emotionally Intelligent Workplace12.1.1. Looking at the typical workplace12.1.2. Looking at an emotionally intelligent workplace12.2. Determining Whether Your Workplace Is Emotionally Intelligent12.2.1. Documenting your workplace strengths12.2.2. Cataloging areas for improvement12.2.2.1. Experiencing problems with the work itself12.2.2.2. Lacking resources to do the work12.2.2.3. Having problems with the people at work12.2.3. Knowing whether your workplace is emotionally intelligent12.3. Managing the Work-Life Balancing Act12.3.1. Knowing your values12.3.2. Looking at your work time12.3.3. Looking at your life time12.3.4. How you can balance work and life12.4. Creating Emotionally Intelligent Teams12.4.1. Defining a work team12.4.2. Understanding what makes teams work12.4.3. Increasing the emotional intelligence of your teams12.5. Making Your Workplace More Emotionally Intelligent12.5.1. Starting with you12.5.2. Influencing your co-workers12.5.3. Managing your manager12.5.4. Taking it to the top
13. Getting Through College with Emotional Intelligence
13.1. Why So Many Students Don't Make It Through the First Year of College13.1.1. Looking at school grades and SATs13.1.2. We're not in Kansas anymore: Welcome to college13.1.3. Problems that first-year students encounter13.1.4. Preparing to deal with emotional and social issues13.2. Warning Signs of College Derailment13.2.1. Adjusting to the first year of college13.2.2. How to know when your first year isn't going well13.3. Suggestions to Get Back On Track13.3.1. Identifying possible problems13.3.2. Taking stock of your resources13.3.3. Getting into action mode13.4. Knowing Your Long-Term Objectives13.4.1. Cataloging strengths13.4.2. Identifying your strengths and weaknesses13.4.3. Setting long-term goals13.4.4. Achieving long-term goals
IV. Using Emotional Intelligence at Home
14. Creating Emotionally Intelligent Relationships
14.1. Assessing Your Intimate Relationship14.1.1. Understanding why emotional intelligence matters in a relationship14.1.2. Rating your relationship14.2. Understanding How Your Emotions Affect the Relationship14.2.1. Emotions: The glue of relationships14.2.2. How emotions help you grow together14.2.3. Why emotions sometimes grow apart14.3. Understanding and Managing Your Partner's Emotions14.3.1. Taking your partner's emotional temperature14.3.2. Knowing where to start managing your partner's emotions14.3.3. Pushing the limit of managing your partner's emotions14.3.4. Using Your Emotional Skills in Your Relationship14.3.5. Taking your own emotional temperature14.3.6. Knowing what battles are worth fighting14.3.7. Knowing when to hold your tongue14.3.8. Using empathy to enhance your relationship14.4. Building Emotionally Healthy Social Relationships14.4.1. Using your emotional skills in social relationships14.4.2. Finding the right balance of emotional and social skills
15. Parenting with Emotional Intelligence
15.1. How Intelligent People Become Emotionally Unintelligent Parents15.1.1. What they didn't teach you about kids15.1.2. Managing your own emotions15.2. Understanding Where Your Partner Is Coming From15.2.1. Working as a team15.2.2. Managing each other's emotions15.3. Keeping Your Cool with Your Child15.4. Using Your Emotional Skills to Manage Your Child15.4.1. Managing your impulse control15.4.2. Using empathy as a guide15.4.3. Problem-solving your way through crises15.5. Getting a Grip When Dealing with Your Teenager15.5.1. What you should know about flexibility15.5.2. Where stress management comes in handy15.5.2.1. Stressful thoughts15.5.2.2. Distraction15.6. Managing the Rollercoaster Teenage Years15.6.1. Keeping self-regard on an even keel15.6.2. Gauging your teenager's interpersonal skills15.6.3. Showing your teenager social responsibility
16. Raising an Emotionally Intelligent Child
16.1. Understanding Your Child16.1.1. Modeling empathy early16.1.2. Reading your child's moods16.2. Helping Your Child Become More Aware of His Emotions16.2.1. Using exercises in self-awareness16.2.2. Connecting emotions and consequences16.3. Managing Your Child's Withdrawn Behaviors16.3.1. Why some children are shy16.3.2. Bringing your child out of her shell16.4. Managing Your Child's Overactive or Aggressive Behaviors16.4.1. The ADHD epidemic16.5. Knowing whether your child has ADHD16.5.1. Why so many children behave aggressively16.5.2. How to tell whether your child is too aggressive16.5.3. The importance of callous and unemotional characteristics16.5.4. Getting your child to be less oppositional and defiant16.6. Making Your Teenager More Aware of Emotional Intelligence16.6.1. Talking to your teen about emotions16.6.2. Getting your teenager to read books such as this one16.7. Helping Your Teenager Become More Emotionally Intelligent16.7.1. Putting theory into practice16.7.2. Letting them discover their own emotional intelligence
V. The Part of Tens
17. Ten Ways to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
17.1. Become More Self-Aware17.2. Express Your Thoughts, Feelings, and Beliefs17.3. Discover Your Inner Passions17.4. Know Your Strengths and Weaknesses17.5. Walk in the Other Person's Moccasins17.6. Manage Another Person's Emotions17.7. Be Socially Responsible17.8. Manage Your Own Impulses17.9. Be More Flexible17.10. Be Happy
18. Ten Ways to Help Difficult People with Their Emotional Intelligence
18.1. Taking the Indirect Approach18.2. Having a Talk18.3. Knowing Whether You've Been Heard18.4. Gauging the Intention to Change18.5. Giving Feedback18.6. Providing Strategies18.7. Checking Progress18.8. Exploring the Effect of Poor Behavior18.9. Explaining in Different Ways18.10. Selling on Benefits
19. Ten Ways to Make the World a More Emotionally Intelligent Place
19.1. Caring for Others19.2. Focusing on Other People19.3. Working on Yourself19.4. Helping Your Family19.5. Giving Back to Your Community19.6. Improving Your Workplace19.7. Bringing Back Civility19.8. Reducing Hate19.9. Taking Up a Cause for Your Country19.10. Changing Your World
A. Resources for Emotional and Social Intelligence
A.1. BooksA.2. Web Sites and Other Resources

Content preview from Emotional Intelligence For Dummies®

Part II. The Essentials of Emotional Intelligence

In this part ...

In this part, you can get to the essence of emotional intelligence and what it can mean for you. I give a whirlwind tour of the science behind emotional intelligence and a chapter-by-chapter breakdown of the components of emotional intelligence. You can see the importance of emotional self-awareness — one of the key components of emotional intelligence. I also offer some tools for cultivating empathy in your life, which is one of the hallmarks of emotional intelligence. You can find out how to get some control over the emotions of other people with whom you deal — people you're close to, as well as complete strangers.

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Emotional Intelligence For Dummies®

by Steven J. Stein

Part II. The Essentials of Emotional Intelligence

In this part ...

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