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How To Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio

Book Description

Hilarious advice on what NOT to do with money, from financial funny man Ben Stein

Everyone's searching for the secrets to financial success, but what about the best ways to lose money . . . fast?! In How To Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio, bestselling author, economist, financial commentator, and media personality Ben Stein explains exactly what to do . . . to go bust! The ultimate "how-NOT-to" guide, the book gives readers invaluable tips that should be avoided at all costs. Written in Stein's own inimitable style, this hilarious guide provides essential financial advice on what not to do when it comes to managing money.

From reading and acting upon investing newsletters to trading on a margin, from investing in bonds to breathlessly following CNBC, and from buying stock in firms you do not understand to believing in your own genius at stock picking to keeping as little cash on hand as possible, Stein presents the rules that every would-be investor needs to know, so they can do the exact opposite and actually make money. Fully revised and updated, this new edition presents all-new missteps that can destroy any portfolio.

  • Fully revised and updated edition of the tongue-in-cheek bestseller that shows investors what not to do with their money

  • Written by acclaimed author economist, financial commentator, and media personality Ben Stein

  • Loaded with indispensable pieces of bad advice that readers should avoid at all costs

  • A laugh-out-loud approach to personal finance, How To Really Ruin Your Financial Life and Portfolio is an accessible guide to money from the funniest man in finance.

    Table of Contents

    1. Cover
    2. Contents
    3. Title
    4. Copyright
    5. Dedication
    6. Acknowledgments
    7. Introduction
    8. Chapter 1: Trade Frequently
    9. Chapter 2: Trade Foreign Exchange
    10. Chapter 3: Believe in Your Heart That You Can Pick Stocks
    11. Chapter 4: Assume That Recent Trends Will Continue Indefinitely
    12. Chapter 5: Pour Continuer . . . Sell When Things Look Bleak . . . and Stay the Heck Out of the Market
    13. Chapter 6: Know in Your Heart That This Time It’s Different . . . and Act on It
    14. Chapter 7: Dividends Are for Spending—Not Investing—Just Ignore Them or Use Them to Buy Baubles
    15. Chapter 8: Cash Is Garbage—Except When It’s Not
    16. Chapter 9: Put Your Money into a Hedge Fund
    17. Chapter 10: Try Strategies That No One Else Has Ever Thought of . . . You Can Out-Think the Market
    18. Chapter 11: Use the Strategies That University Endowments and the Giant Players Use
    19. Chapter 12: Commodities Are Calling . . . Will You Answer the Phone?: Everything That Happens in Your Life Involves Commodities
    20. Chapter 13: Go on Margin for Everything
    21. Chapter 14: Sell Short
    22. Chapter 15: Do Not Have a Plan for Your Investing or for Your Financial Life Generally
    23. Chapter 16: Do It All Yourself
    24. Chapter 17: Pay No Attention at All to Taxes
    25. Chapter 18: Believe That Those People You See on TV Can Actually Tell the Future
    26. Chapter 19: Do Not Start Even Thinking about Any of This until the Absolutely Last Moment
    27. Chapter 20: Don’t Believe That Any of This Matters Very Much, This Money Stuff
    28. Chapters 21–49: How to Ruin Your Greatest Asset—You
      1. Choose a Career with No Possibility of Advancement
      2. Choose a Career with Little Chance for a Good Income
      3. Choose Lots of Education over Lots of Pay
      4. Show No Respect for Your Boss or Fellow Workers
      5. Don’t Learn Much about Your Job, Industry, or Employers . . . Just Wing It
      6. Do the Minimum Just to Get By
      7. Show Up in Torn Jeans, Unshaven, Unwashed, Any Old Way You Feel Like Showing Up
      8. Show No Regard for the Truth
      9. Display Open Contempt for Your Job, Your Fellow Workers, Your Boss, and Your Clients/Customers
      10. Act Like You Are Morally Superior to Your Job and Your Colleagues
      11. Do Not Be Punctual
      12. Don’t Hesitate to Have a Cocktail or Two at Lunch
      13. Gossip and Sow Divisiveness at Work
      14. Second-Guess Everyone around You at Work, Especially Your Boss
      15. Threaten Your Boss and Employer with Litigation
      16. Look for Grievances at Work
      17. Make Sexual Advances to Anyone You Find Attractive
      18. Make Excessive Phone Calls, Texts, and E-Mails on Company Time
      19. Play Video Games at Work and Make Loud Noises as You Do
      20. Make and Keep Lots of Personal Appointments on Company Time
      21. Listen to Your Colleagues’ Conversations and Snoop on Their E-Mails
      22. Talk about How Much Better Earlier Employers Were Than Your Current Employer
      23. Brag about Your Great Family Connections
      24. Pad Your Expense Account
      25. Borrow Money from Your Fellow Employees and Don’t Pay It Back
      26. Question, Mock, and Belittle Your Tasks
      27. Flirt with Your Colleagues’ Significant Others
      28. Proselytize at Work and Belittle Anyone Who Doesn’t Share Your Political or Religious Beliefs
      29. Say Anything You Want That Comes into Your Head
    29. About the Author