How to Win Client Business When You Don't Know Where to Start

CHAPTER 18Conversation Skills for Introverts (and the Rest of Us, Too) : Using Small Talk to Find Common Ground

The most basic and powerful way to connect to another person is to listen. Perhaps the most important thing we ever give each other is our attention. When people are talking, there's no need to do anything but receive them. Just take them in. Listen to what they're saying.

—Rachel Naomi Remen, MD, author, Kitchen Table Wisdom

People feel comfortable being around people with whom they have things in common. Remember the playground idea I shared earlier – kids tend to hang out with kids who enjoy the same activities as they do. This analogy applies to finding common ground with people in business. Donald Miller discusses the importance of common ground in his New York Times bestselling book Building a Story Brand.

Customers look for brands they have something in common with. The human brain likes to conserve calories, and so when a customer realizes they have a lot in common with a brand, they fill in all the unknown nuances with trust. Essentially, the customer batches their thinking, meaning they're thinking in “chunks” rather than details. Commonality, whether taste in music or shared values, is a powerful marketing tool.

Miller's insight applies to our personal brands as well. This is why so‐called “small talk” is so important – the seemingly irrelevant chit chat that often begins a business conversation. Small talk creates an opportunity to find common ground, ...