Just Listen

Just Listen

by Mark Goulston, Keith Ferrazzi
Released September 2009
Publisher(s): AMACOM
ISBN: 9780814414040

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Book description

Foreword by Keith Ferrazzi, author of Never Eat Alone and Who’s Got Your Back

The first make-or-break step in persuading anyone to do any thing is getting them to hear you out. Whether the person is a harried colleague, a stressed-out client, or an insecure spouse, things will go from bad to worse if you can’t break through emotional barricades.

Drawing on his experience as a psychiatrist, business consultant, and coach, and backed by the latest scientific research, author Mark Goulston shares simple but powerful techniques readers can use to really get through to people—whether they’re coworkers, friends, strangers, or enemies. Just Listen reveals how to:

• Make a powerful and positive first impression
• Listen effectively
• Make even a total stranger—a potential client, perhaps—feel “felt”
• Talk an angry or aggressive person away from an instinctual, unproductive reaction and toward a more rational mindset
• Achieve buy-in, the linchpin of all persuasion, negotiation, sales, and more

Getting through is a fine art but a critical one. With the help of this groundbreaking book readers will be able to turn the “impossible” and “unreachable” people in their lives into allies, devoted customers, loyal colleagues, and lifetime friends.

Table of contents

  1. Cover Page
  2. Title Page
  3. Copyright Page
  4. Contents
  5. Foreword
  6. Acknowledgments
  7. SECTION I THE SECRET TO REACHING ANYONE
    1. 1 WHO’S HOLDING YOU HOSTAGE?
      1. The Persuasion Cycle
      2. The Secret: Getting Through Is Simple
    2. 2 A LITTLE SCIENCE: HOW THE BRAIN GOES FROM “NO” TO “YES”
      1. The Three-Part Brain
      2. Amygdala Hijack and the Death of Rational Thought
      3. Mirror Neurons
      4. From Theory to Action
  8. SECTION II THE NINE CORE RULES FOR GETTING THROUGH TO ANYONE
    1. 3 MOVE YOURSELF FROM “OH F#@& TO OK”
      1. Get Through to Yourself First
      2. Speed Is Everything
      3. The “Oh F#@& to OK” Process
      4. The Power of “Oh F#@&”
      5. The “Oh F#@& to OK” Speed Drill
    2. 4 REWIRE YOURSELF TO LISTEN
      1. “But I Do Listen . . . Don’t I?”
      2. How Well Do You Know the People You Know?
    3. 5 MAKE THE OTHER PERSON FEEL “FELT”
      1. Why Does “Feeling Felt” Change People?
      2. The Steps to Making Another Person Feel “Felt”
    4. 6 BE MORE INTERESTED THAN INTERESTING
      1. The “Interesting” Jackass
      2. Don’t Just Act Interested—Be Interested
    5. 7 MAKE PEOPLE FEEL VALUABLE
    6. 8 HELP PEOPLE TO EXHALE EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY
      1. Moving a Person Away from Distress
      2. Guiding a Person to Exhale
    7. 9 CHECK YOUR DISSONANCE AT THE DOOR
      1. The Perils of Corporate Dissonance
      2. When You Can’t Avoid Dissonance, Anticipate It
    8. 10 WHEN ALL SEEMS LOST—BARE YOUR NECK
      1. Show Them Your Neck, and They’ll Want to Show You Theirs
    9. 11 STEER CLEAR OF TOXIC PEOPLE
      1. Needy People
      2. Bullies
      3. Takers
      4. Narcissists
      5. Psychopaths
      6. Mirror Check: Who’s the Problem?
  9. SECTION III 12 QUICK AND EASY WAYS TO ACHIEVE BUY-IN AND GET THROUGH
    1. 12 THE IMPOSSIBILITY QUESTION
    2. 13 THE MAGIC PARADOX
      1. The Cascade of “Yes”
      2. A Trust-Gaining Move
    3. 14 THE EMPATHY JOLT
      1. How It Works
      2. When to Employ the Empathy Jolt
      3. The Power of Analogy
    4. 15 THE REVERSE PLAY, EMPATHY JOLT #2
    5. 16 ”DO YOU REALLY BELIEVE THAT?”
    6. 17 THE POWER OF “HMMM . . .”
    7. 18 THE STIPULATION GAMBIT
    8. 19 FROM TRANSACTION TO TRANSFORMATION
      1. Negotiating Versus Relating
      2. What Question Would Make You Look Up?
    9. 20 SIDE BY SIDE
    10. 21 FILL IN THE BLANKS
    11. 22 TAKE IT ALL THE WAY TO “NO”
    12. 23 THE POWER THANK YOU AND POWER APOLOGY
      1. “Thank You” Versus the Power Thank You
      2. The Power Apology
  10. SECTION IV PUTTING IT ALL TOGETHER: FAST FIXES FOR SEVEN CHALLENGING SITUATIONS
    1. 24 THE TEAM FROM HELL
    2. 25 CLIMBING THE LADDER
    3. 26 THE NARCISSIST AT THE TABLE
    4. 27 STRANGER IN TOWN
      1. The Visibility Stage
      2. The Credibility Stage
      3. The Profitability Stage
    5. 28 THE HUMAN EXPLOSION
    6. 29 GETTING THROUGH TO YOURSELF
    7. 30 SIX DEGREES OF SEPARATION
      1. Create One-on-One Situations
      2. Make Virtual Allies
      3. Reach the Gatekeepers
  11. Afterword
  12. Index
  13. About the Author
  14. Keynotes/Workshops

Product information

  • Title: Just Listen
  • Author(s): Mark Goulston, Keith Ferrazzi
  • Release date: September 2009
  • Publisher(s): AMACOM
  • ISBN: 9780814414040