CHAPTER 13
Mine the Gold in Your Shared Interests
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Can you recall how we tend toward homophily? We prefer to be in relationship with people who share our
story-lines. âShared Interestsâ is the same phenomenon (
Figure 13.1). We are most comfortable with people who want for us, the things that we want for ourselves. These common interests are always present.Humanâs tendency to focus on differences rather than what we can want for each other causes much of the conflict in the world. This 4-D work is about habituating you to bring your attention to the shared interest inquiry: What do they want that I can want for them also?
FIGURE 13.1 Shared Interests, the Second of the Eight Behaviors
Some years ago, a NASA executive called me, âCharlie, this center director and I just canât get along. Can you help?â We went offsite with an abbreviated 4-D workshop. On the second morning, we paired the people into two groups: his staff and the center people. Each group addressed the inquiry âWhat do they most want that we can want for them also?â
The center people reported first: âWe want for you to be totally successful.â My client responded, âReally, why would you want that?â âBecause,â they answered, âIf you arenât successful, then we wonât be successful either. We are totally dependent on your success for the funding we need to survive.â
Later my client ...