Chapter 12 Know what's real for others
‘It's not you, it's me' ... Have you ever said those words or had them said to you during a relationship break-up? When we say these words, we are in a place of self-preservation. We don't really want to tell the other person we have fallen out of love with them and so we avoid that difficult conversation and the potential backlash that might follow.
Our natural survival instinct is to keep ourselves from danger, and dealing with an upset and emotional person screaming, ‘What do you mean you don't love me anymore?' is as big a threat as any.
These same survival instincts are present at work. Our desire to keep the peace is what holds us back from giving feedback to our peers and our team. When it comes to giving feedback to more senior people, the survival instinct is stronger than ever, even when we are asked for our feedback.
Every time we ask for feedback we are competing with the in-built human DNA of self-preservation.
Without real feedback, however, addressing issues, improving performance and generally making progress can be difficult.
Politeness prolongs progress
Mark LeBusque is a speaker, coach and author of Being Human, published in 2017. Mark believes that in order to make real progress, humans must be able to speak their truth without fear or favour.
Mark works with organisations around the world to do this by helping them embrace a more authentic way of working, and helping employees step into authentic leadership regardless ...